You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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