Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
