I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
