Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you win again, gameday.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
