Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
