Soap is not a condiment
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
