I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
