i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
