dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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