I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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