how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
