Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
