My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
