they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
