just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
