So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize