He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
