Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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