I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
