The maid of honor just puked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
