I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think my moral compass just broke
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
