we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dick has a subreddit
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
