so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize