This girl is more easily done than said...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
