yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Randomize
