I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
