Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.