Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups