I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.