"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
