do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You pole danced in your parka.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So was this before or after he cried about trump?