So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
