Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
