Plan B is the new Plan A
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
