Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's the barista slut.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
