I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
