It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
