come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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