real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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