Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
