He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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