where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
