Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
