Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
