I just made out with a guy for $7.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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