Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Actions speak louder than pants.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
