i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just high enough for therapy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize