Don't make out with my wife yet
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
