So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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