Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
