walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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