In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
