He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
