I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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