just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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