There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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