Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
