This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
