i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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