I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
