im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
