Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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