in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
