so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
