Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
