Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
