omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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