But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
