Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
