I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My vagina is officially offended.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
