on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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