it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
