Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
