what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
