Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
